We all go through life trying to be the best we can, academically or professionally, as a parent or caregiver, in a sport or interest, socially or in relationships. As children, we envision a life where most of these fall into place. But as we mature, we realise that life isn’t quite as straightforward, but accepting our faults and failings can be difficult.
And sometimes, it’s this perfectionism that helps drive our drinking. We become so troubled by the perceived shortcomings that we drink to cover them up; it’s easier than living with our faults and failings and being drunk means we can avoid them.
It also holds us back when we want to stop drinking. We daren’t risk changing if we don’t have the skills or are afraid of getting it wrong, so we do nothing. And if we have one drink we didn’t intend, we believe that we’ve ruined everything, so we finish the bottle. It becomes an all-or-nothing scenario; why bother at all if we can’t get it right?
These are typical perfectionist symptoms, seeing situations as black or white, turning every problem into a catastrophe and believing that the worst will always happen. We fill our self-talk full of the things we should do.
So what can we do about it? The first step to dealing with perfectionism is noticing how it affects us. But what can we do about it?